🩸 An Entertained Musing by Count Strahd von Zarovich
“A father and son… how touching. How tragically mortal.”
 
So you desire to place Ivor Agusto and his curious metal “son,” Caesar, upon the sacred linens of your home.
A bold choice, mortal.
A sentimental one.
 
Ivor—ever tinkering, ever scheming, believing his clever mind and worn tools can defy the ancient forces that rule this land. And Caesar… ah, the steel defender, shaped in the crude likeness of a primate, yet bound to its creator with a devotion that might shame flesh-and-blood children.
 
It warms me—
in the way only irony can—
to see them immortalized upon a hand towel.
 
Yes, place them beside your washbasin or drape them nobly in your guest chamber.
Let all who visit be greeted by Ivor’s stubborn ingenuity and Caesar’s gleaming vigilance.
For even their combined efforts cannot free them from my domain…
yet how earnestly they try.
 
I find their bond… amusing.
Their determination… admirable.
Their fate… inevitable.
 
🦇 Crafted with Mortal Precision—Though Nothing Rivals Mine
 
52% polyester, 48% cotton — a blend as unexpected as an artificer raising an iron ape
Soft, vibrant polyester front, capturing Ivor’s resolve and Caesar’s mechanical majesty
Absorbent cotton back, ready to drink in water—or tears—should you shed them
Premium fabric weight: 14.1 oz./yd² (400 g/m²)
Size: 16″ × 28″, fitting for a pair whose story deserves… closer inspection
 
These towels elevate any bathroom or washroom to something resembling refinement—though never forget, refinement is my domain.
 
🌑 Care Instructions (Pay Attention, Mortal)
 
Machine wash cold — 90°F / 30°C
Do not bleach.
Do not iron.
Do not tumble dry with heat.
 
Treat them gently.
Unlike their subjects, they are not designed to withstand flames, claws, blades, or divine wrath.
 
⚰️ A Few Words on Their Birth
 
Each towel is crafted upon request.
No stockpiles.
No waste.
Each one summoned individually—
as unique as the bond between Ivor and his metallic child.
 
You call forth the towel.
But let us be clear…
the Mists call forth everything else.
 
🛡️ Mortal Reassurances
 
Age Restrictions: Adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Fully compliant with GPSR and EU safety standards
 
For inquiries not involving curses, destiny, or doom, contact:
📧 gpsr@sindenventures.com
 
Or send letters to:
📬 337 Burr Oak Circle, Cary, IL 60013
📬 Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus
 
🩸 “Display them with pride, mortal.
Let this father and his iron child watch over your home.
But know this—
no gear, no bolt, no spark
can keep them from the shadow of my will.”