🩸 An Amused Reflection by Count Strahd von Zarovich
“Ah… the Keeper of the Fang. How delightful to see her trapped in cotton.”
 
So, mortal, you choose to adorn your home with the image of Yana Zivanka, do you?
The fierce one.
The sharp one.
The woman who carries both blade and burden with equal weight—
and who dares pit her will against mine.
 
How charming.
 
Yana Zivanka, Keeper of the Fang, stalks the Mists with determination that borders on recklessness. Her eyes hold secrets, her hands steady the weapons that have tasted the blood of monsters… though none so ancient as I. And now, through these elegant hand towels, you invite her into your private chambers.
 
I wonder—
Is it admiration that drives you?
Or the foolish hope that her strength can protect you from me?
 
Either way, I approve.
For every time you dry your hands upon this fine fabric, you will be reminded that even the fiercest hunter is still a piece upon my board.
 
🦇 Crafted with the Precision She Pretends to Wield
 
52% polyester, 48% cotton — balanced, like Yana’s blend of steel and spirit
Soft, vibrant polyester front vividly capturing her determination
Absorbent cotton back, thirsty as the Mists themselves
Premium fabric weight: 14.1 oz./yd² (400 g/m²)
Size: 16″ × 28″, ample for displaying the Keeper of the Fang in all her mortal resolve
 
This towel turns any bathroom or washroom into a stage where Yana stands ready, blade at hand, fighting a battle she cannot win.
But oh… how fascinating she is when she tries.
 
🌑 Care Instructions (Though She Would Ignore Them Herself)
 
Machine wash cold — 90°F / 30°C
No bleach.
No ironing.
No tumble drying with heat.
 
Treat it gently, mortal.
Unlike its subject, it was not forged for punishment.
 
⚰️ A Note on Its Creation
 
Each towel is made only when you demand it.
No excess. No warehouses.
Just a single object summoned at your command…
not unlike how I summon the Mists themselves.
 
You choose the hunter.
But I remain the master of the hunt.
 
🛡️ Safety, Warranty & Mortal Pleasantries
 
Age Restrictions: Adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Fully compliant with GPSR and all EU safety regulations
 
For safety inquiries—though none will shield you from fate—contact:
📧 gpsr@sindenventures.com
 
Or send your parchment and ink to:
📬 337 Burr Oak Circle, Cary, IL 60013
📬 Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus
 
🩸 “Display Yana if you wish.
Let her watch over your home.
But understand this—
even the Keeper of the Fang hunts at my pleasure…
and in my domain.”