🩸 A Dryly Amused Monologue by Count Strahd von Zarovich
“Ah… the boy with jokes. The Mists laugh louder.”
 
So—Nedro Joler, immortalized on a towel.
Truly, mortal, your choices never fail to amuse me.
The quick-witted wanderer.
The ever-chatty trickster.
The one who masks fear with humor and uncertainty with charm.
Ned—whose laughter dares to echo in a land ruled by silence and shadow.
Ned—whose courage flickers like a candle in a storm,
and yet… whose spark refuses to die.
 
His presence in Barovia has been—
how shall I put this?
Entertaining.
A rare quality in a land I have long since conquered in heart and mind.
 
And now, thanks to your curious taste, he will adorn your bathroom wall or counter,
forever caught in the vibrant colors of a moment he believes he controls.
But let us both savor a truth:
 
The Mists are not swayed by wit.
But I do enjoy watching him try.
 
🦇 A Towel Worthy of Display—Even If Its Subject Is Not
 
52% polyester, 48% cotton — a blend of comfort and durability
Soft, vivid polyester front, capturing Ned’s easy grin or determined stance
Absorbent cotton back, thirsty for water… or the sweat of those who fear the dark
Fabric weight: 14.1 oz./yd² (400 g/m²) — substantial enough to endure both use and admiration
Size: 16″ × 28″, ideal for showcasing your favorite chatterbox
 
This towel brings color, personality, and an unexpected levity to any bathroom—just as Ned brings chaos, cleverness, and noise to my otherwise perfectly curated realm.
 
🌑 Care Instructions (Though Ned Would Ignore Them Entirely)
 
Machine wash cold — 90°F / 30°C
No bleach.
No ironing.
No tumble drying with heat.
 
Treat it gently—
after all, its subject rarely receives the same courtesy.
 
⚰️ A Note About Its Creation
 
This towel is crafted individually when ordered.
No mass production.
No idle stock.
Every piece made intentionally—
as intentional as Ned’s stubborn will to survive.
 
You summon the towel.
I summon the shadows that follow him.
 
🛡️ Mortal Reassurances
 
Age Restrictions: Adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Fully compliant with GPSR and EU safety standards
 
For matters of safety—not destiny—contact:
📧 gpsr@sindenventures.com
 
Or send physical correspondence to:
📬 337 Burr Oak Circle, Cary, IL 60013
📬 Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus
 
🩸 “Hang him upon your wall, if you wish.
Let his smile bring warmth to your home.
But remember—
In Barovia, even laughter casts a shadow.”