🩸 A Statement of Amusement from Count Strahd von Zarovich
“Even your tiny movements… still occur within my domain.”
 
How intriguing, mortal, that you seek to enhance your workspace, your gaming table, or your little altar of glowing screens with an object bearing the images of those who defy me.
The so-called adventurers.
The misguided heroes.
And, of course… myself.
 
You place them beneath your hand as you move your mouse across this surface—as if you control their fate with every motion.
How adorable.
How utterly naïve.
 
For no matter how swift your clicks, how sharp your aim, how skilled your play…
the Mists move faster.
And I move faster still.
 
This exquisite mouse pad brings both elegance and dread to your desk, immortalizing the champions of your precious campaign, “Trapped in the Mists,” along with their inevitable adversary—your humble narrator.
 
Place it before your keyboard.
Rest your hand upon it.
And remember that every action you take—every spell cast, every blade swung, every desperate decision—
occurs in a world I have already claimed.
 
🦇 Features Crafted with the Precision of a Vampiric Lord
 
Soft polyester surface — smooth as a whispered promise in a moonlit crypt
Natural rubber base — gripping your desk with the certainty of my grasp on Barovia
Rounded edges — elegant, refined, and pleasingly civilized
Lightweight build (2.8 oz / 79.4 g) — easy to place, difficult to escape
Dimensions: 8.7″ × 7.1″ × 0.12″ (220 × 180 × 3 mm)
Vivid artwork preserving the likenesses of both foolhardy heroes and their immortal foe
 
This mouse pad is more than an accessory.
It is a reminder—
that even in your own realm, my presence is inevitable.
 
🌑 Care Instructions (If You Insist on Keeping It Alive)
 
Avoid prolonged sunlight exposure—
the colors may fade.
(I, of course, find sunlight distasteful for entirely different reasons.)
 
Wipe clean gently.
Treat with respect.
For you now bear a portrait of destiny beneath your fingertips.
 
⚰️ A Note on Its Creation
 
Each mouse pad is crafted only upon your command—
a bespoke creation, not unlike how I call forth the Mists to surround the unwary.
 
No excess.
No waste.
A single, deliberate object given shape by your desire…
and delivered by my indulgence.
 
🛡️ Mortal Assurances & Regulatory Formalities
 
Age Restrictions: Adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Meets all required standards for lead, cadmium, mercury, hexavalent chromium, brominated flame retardants, and phthalates
 
For inquiries about safety—not salvation—contact:
📧 gpsr@sindenventures.com
 
Or send your parchment to:
📬 337 Burr Oak Circle, Cary, IL 60013
📬 Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus
 
🩸 “Place your hand upon this surface, mortal.
Guide your cursor across the image of fate.
But remember—
No matter how you play the game…
I always make the final move.”