🩸 An Elegant Mockery from Count Strahd von Zarovich
“Clockworks make the spells work…
How quaint.”
Ah… Nedro “Ned” Joler.
Your stout little dwarvish sorcerer, tinkering with gears and cogs as though such mechanisms could possibly defy the ancient forces that rule my domain.
He whirls, he sparks, he mutters incantations between muttering complaints—and somehow, miraculously, he survives longer than expected.
And now, you mortals celebrate him with a shirt.
How utterly adorable.
Behold the design:
ornate clockwork curls frame your plucky adventurer like the label of a vintage Barovian spirit—one bottled, aged, and perhaps forgotten in a crypt somewhere.
Ned stands confident in the center, goggles gleaming, staff raised, and arcane gears spinning brilliantly at his side.
Above and below him, the proud proclamation:
NEDRO JOLER
DWARF SORCERER
EST. 2023
CLOCKWORKS MAKE THE SPELLS WORK
A slogan that feels equal parts triumphant and desperately optimistic.
To wear this shirt is to declare your allegiance to eccentricity, invention, and the stubborn belief that even a handful of gears and a spark of dwarven determination can shape fate itself.
It is to proudly support a sorcerer who—despite his chaotic mechanics—dares to challenge me,
Count Strahd von Zarovich.
Bold.
Foolish.
And… to my surprise… rather endearing.
🦇 Crafted for Mortals Who Prefer Comfort Over Survival
100% combed and ring-spun cotton — soft enough even for a dwarf’s rough-hewn skin
Heather colors blended with polyester for added structural integrity (Ned would approve)
Fabric weight: 4.2 oz/yd² (142 g/m²) — breathable during frantic spell-slinging
Pre-shrunk fabric — unlike Ned’s unpredictable experiments
Side-seamed construction — refined, durable, admirable
Shoulder-to-shoulder taping — reinforced like a properly tuned gear assembly
Sourced from Guatemala, Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US
Strong, flexible, and comfortable—
qualities shared by the shirt…
if not always by its wearer.
🌑 Created Only When Summoned
This garment is not mass-produced like some soulless contraption.
It is crafted only when you call it forth—
a deliberate act of creation,
much like Nedro’s unpredictable magical machinery.
You summon the shirt.
But remember—
I summon the Mists.
🛡️ Mortal Reassurances (Though They Shield You Poorly…)
Age Restrictions: Adults
EU Warranty: 2 years
Fully compliant with GPSR and EU safety requirements
For inquiries not involving curses, gears exploding, or the consequences of challenging an immortal tyrant, write to:
📧 gpsr@sindenventures.com
📬 337 Burr Oak Circle, Cary, IL 60013
📬 Markou Evgenikou 11, Mesa Geitonia, 4002, Limassol, Cyprus
🩸 “Wear him proudly, mortal.
Celebrate his gears.
Celebrate his grit.
But know this—
no amount of clockwork
will save him from me.”